I find that when I am having very negative feelings toward somebody, it helps me to find the truest, most honest version of those feelings. Instead of saying something awful like: “I hate her. I hope her house burns down!”
I am better served by analyzing the actual underlying feelings — often it’s more accurate to say:
”Her unethical actions left me feeling that I had no agency or control over my situation.”
Those feelings of powerlessness and vulnerability are hiding behind cheap and easy expressions of anger and malevolence. Finding truth under the weight of negativity gives me a chance to make an informed decision. Perhaps I will choose to end my relationship with the person who I feel has wronged me. That’s still an unfortunate outcome, but it’s better than repaying evil for evil. I can walk away with dignity and clarity instead of bile and rage.
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This is a very good approach! Makes a lot of sense. And taking that angle of leaving a relationship with your dignity intact is very smart. Sounds like you have it under control.