Movies

Can you “ruin” a Michael Bay movie? Rosie found a way.

Rosie Huntington Whiteley - Transformers

Now that Michael Bay’s latest disasterpiece is hitting theaters (and continuing to rape my childhood) we can all confront these inconvenient truths. First, I grant you this, the entire Transformers film franchise far surpasses that horrid G.I. Joe debacle.

So here are the facts. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is a terrible actress and Shia Lebeouf is douche bag. I said it. Those are my opinions. I know I said facts but come on; how can you disagree?

Rosie is about as articulate as beef jerky. Yep. All young men love beef jerky. By no means does that fact put jerky in the same league as a good steak. Rosie is a lingerie model so of course teenage boys are probably going to like her. The girl seems a bit slow to me. I think maybe somebody put alcohol in her tank.

Shia Lebeouf doesn’t seem to understand the difference between candid and slanderous. It speaks little of personal integrity to reveal details about banging Megan Fox on the set of Transformers. Especially this long after the fact. Let me put it this way. Shia had some criticisms for several films he appeared in; failing to see that he was in fact the lowest common denominator. Hey Shia – Maybe those movies sucked because you were in them?

So here we are. I’m a huge science fiction fan and Transformers dominated my childhood. Am i going to pay to see Transformers in theaters? Nope. I’d go if all my friends were meeting up to see it or… if Megan fox was in it. Well. I have no friends and Megan is absent.

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