The River’s Emmet Cole Found hiding in gross cocoon

Yes they find Emmet Cole. He was in some kind of cocoon this whole time. A COCOON! are you serious?  Whatever. You know what you do when something boring or stupid weakens your plot-line? You add zombies. I said ZOMBIES. That’s the second time I’ve had to repeat myself; pay attention. So, call then what you will… but nothing recovers from a weak plot point faster than the undead.

Emmet spent months searching the rain forest for an ancient tribe who believed themselves to be angels. Do you know how ardently they believed this angel business? Members of the tribe have distinctive scars on their backs where they symbolically cut of their wings. You know… because they were angels.

last episode we learned that after collapsing in the rain forest, Emmet was delivered to some kind of research facility by the very tribe he had been searching for. Oh the irony. Tess and the crew of the Magus followed clues on Emmet’s video diary to find the facility but some serious shit had gone down there. The scientists thought they could isolate a gene sequence from the local tribe and turn it into a cure for cancer. Well as luck would have it, it doesn’t cure cancer. it turns people in zombies.

What about German Kurt and his giant ass satellite phone? Turns out he’s been dialing local. Kurt’s  sex kitten fiancé has been posing as a security consultant inside the research center. When the researchers find the gene sequence they’ve been searching for she shoots up the laboratory because  “she cannot allow their research to leave this place”.  She goes all FPS Russia on the research scientists and inadvertently unleashes the a localized zombie apocalypse.

The River is almost over. you better watch the finale. You better leave a comment. You better not hide from zombies in a gross-ass, slimy cocoon.