So it’s time again to make a New Year’s Resolution. Once again we’ve managed to complete an orbit of the star we call Sol. On this completely statistical occasion, it is customary that we resolve to alter our behavior in some way. Ostensibly we do this because the new year is brand-spanking-new. It’s nice and clean and nobody wants to see it soiled by the filth of our life-long bad habits.
I’ve heard that most people make resolutions to do things like lose weight and get in shape, or perhaps to quit smoking. From what I’ve observed most people lack the will power or “resolve” to fulfill these self-prescribed behavioral modifications. People should just come to terms with the likelihood that they will still be fat chain-smokers by this time next year. Maybe there are some inmates celebrating tonight in a federal prison who wish that they had been able to keep their previous New Year’s resolutions … I don’t know. Maybe You will succeed where countless others have failed.
I realize that people rarely make lasting changes based on a New Year’s Resolution. That’s why I make the same resolution every year. It’s one I can truly recommend that you make as well. It’s a life-altering change that will require a supreme effort on your part, but in the end I believe that you will realize the benefits of keeping this resolution far outweigh the labors. Are you ready for it?
In the year 2017 – I resolve that, when writing the current date on documents, I will write 2017 instead of 2016.
Happy Year Internet. I hope it’s everything you expected and more. Unfortunately the worst is yet to come. But hey, maybe the Trump-acolypse will pass you by, leaving you none the worse for wear in 2017.