Alien Covenant, featuring Katherine Waterston and Michael Fassbender

Alien Covenant was such a disappointment. I’m not sure Ridley Scott actually wants to make a successful Alien movie. He should have allowed Neill Blomkamp to make a sequel to the 1986 James Cameron film “Aliens”.

As much as I love the Alien film franchise, Alien Covenant couldn’t even get me to the theater. The trailers certainly made it look like we were getting an actual alien movie this time around… but you can’t trust movie trailers. Seriously, two words: Suicide Squad. I waited for the Blu-ray to get my gigantic dose of disappointment.

As an interesting side note, I had a massive Myocardial infarction while watching this movie, a heart attack. I had to be taken by ambulance to the emergency room so I didn’t see the last five minutes. I never did finish watching it. You might say that this movie literally broke my heart.
Ridley Scott is out of touch with Alien fans.

Is it possible that Ridley Scott just doesn’t know what the fans of the Alien franchise want? Maybe he’s flailing wildly in the dark, cursing out loud and lamenting that he just doesn’t know what the hell people want from him. I thought that fans of the Alien franchise (myself included) had made our wishes rather obvious. We want to see the classic Xenomorph return to the big screen. If Scott can’t figure out what fans do want, maybe we should be more vocal about what we don’t want.

What we don’t want a trilogy of PSA movies that draw attention to the mental health issues of fictional androids. There’s a reason nobody trusts synthetics or “artificial people” as they prefer to be called. Whatever. fucking robots. That reason is Ridley Scott. I don’t want any more movies in which Scott explains that the coolest science fiction monster of all time was created by a psychotic android.

We don’t want any more movies where you systematically destroy the alien mythos because … hell I honestly don’t know why you would destroy this creature’s legacy. Maybe Ridley Scott secretly hates the xenomorph. Maybe he’s bitter because the Alien toy line never caught on like those adorable little star wars people.

We don’t anymore movies where Scott clumsily attempts to connect Prometheus to 1979’s Alien. It’s not going to happen. Nobody can suspend their disbelief to such an extreme. Our relationship with technology has changed in a way that no film maker could have predicted in 1979. It’s just not possible for an audience to accept that technology and systems found on the Nostromo are future iterations of those found on the Prometheus or the Covenant.

Just because you invented the creature doesn’t mean you understand why other people love it. Please, just let somebody else make an awesome Alien movie. With actual Xenomorphs and maybe some Pulse rifles.

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