Can you “ruin” a Michael Bay movie? Rosie found a way.

Now that Michael Bay’s latest disasterpiece is hitting theaters (and continuing to rape my childhood) we can all confront these inconvenient truths. First, I grant you this, the entire Transformers film franchise far surpasses that horrid G.I. Joe debacle.

So here are the facts. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is a terrible actress and Shia Lebeouf is douche bag. I said it. Those are my opinions. I know I said facts but come on; how can you disagree?

Rosie is about as articulate as beef jerky. Yep. All young men love beef jerky. By no means does that fact put jerky in the same league as a god steak. Rosie is a lingerie model so of course teenage boys are probably going to like her. The girl seems a bit slow to me. I think maybe somebody put alcohol in her tank.

Shia Lebeouf doesn’t seem to understand the difference between candid and slanderous. It speaks little of personal integrity to reveal details about banging Megan Fox on the set of Transformers. Especially this long after the fact. Let me put it this way. Shia had some criticisms for several films he appeared in; failing to see that he was in fact the lowest common denominator. Hey Shia – Maybe those movies sucked because you were in them?

So here we are. I’m a huge science fiction fan and Transformers dominated my childhood. Am i going to pay to see Transformers in theaters? Nope. I’d go if all my friends were meeting up to see it or… if Megan fox was in it. Well. I have no friends and Megan is absent.

Whatever happened to that new Judge Dredd movie?

Do you remember the Judge Dredd reboot project starring Karl Urban that was announced last year? Whatever happened to that? After the comedy that was the Stallone version of Dredd I was looking forward to a darker gritter version of Dredd. One without gold cod-pieces and flying motorcycles.

According to reports, Urban does not appear in the film per-se, as Dredd never removes his helmet. Urban had said that this was important to maintain the sense of  “faceless justice” that Dredd represents.

I don’t know about you but I’ll take a darker version of Dredd over the Green lantern any day.

“The Green Lantern” Not worth the price of admission.

I don’t know about you, but I’m not very excited about this ” Green Lantern” movie. I’m not sure why GL failed to capture my interest. I enjoy Ryan Reynolds in other movies and I like decent special effects. Meh. Oh well I’m sure something else is playing.

Perhaps its because Green Lantern is a DC comic that I have some kind of deep seeded resistance. Yep, that’s right. I was a marvel kid. As an adult  you realize that having two brands in a specific market isn’t solely and adversarial proposition. But when you’re a kid brand loyalty is everything. Your parents only drove one make of car, you only drank one brand of cola, and only ate one brand of peanut butter. Of course it goes without saying that you also  read comics from one publisher. For me those things were Ford, Coca-Cola, Jif peanut butter… and Marvel comics!

Maybe my lack of interest in Green Lantern  is not based on some kind of juvenile rivalry which once existed (mostly in the imaginations of readers)  between Marvel and DC. Now that I think about it, Ryan Reynold’s doesn’t really strike me as a good fit for the Hal Jordan  Green Lantern I knew from comics. Hal Jordon always seemed so dry and serious but I find  Ryan to be irreverently  humorous.

Last thing. Is this movie done in crappy post production 3D?  That’s a deal breaker right there. I cannot say this strongly enough:  STOP RUING MOVIES WITH CRAPPY 3D!

Oh well. What else is playing this weekend? I still haven’t seen X-Men First Class.

“Super 8″ could have been E.T. for a new generation.

I got out of the cave for a little while today to check out the new JJ Abrams movie, “Super 8″. I’ve become accustomed to the way that JJ Abrams tells a story so I never walk into one of his films expecting the obvious.

If haven’t caught on yet, let me clue you in. ‘Cloverfield’ wasn’t about a giant Godzilla-esque monster, ‘Star Trek’ wasn’t about warp drive or other futuristic technologies, and ‘LOST’ wasn’t about a mysterious three toed statue or displaced polar bears. What JJ Abrams excels at; is telling stories about people. How we react to unthinkable situations and how we relate to one another during unfounded adversity.

In the case of Super 8 he succeeded in presenting the kind of movie I have not seen since E.T. In fact, I would go as far as to say that Super 8 could well have been this generation’s “E.T.”. Could have been … except for the fact that this generation is utterly incapable of responding to cinema in such a simple and honest way. Today’s audiences seem to be totally vested in effects laden superhero movies or romantic comedies which are little more than formulaic star vehicles. I’m sure you know what I mean. They put the current “it girl” together with the emotionally unavailable hunk or the improbable underdog and apply a generous helping of improbability. By t he end of the movie … it’s true love.

Super 8 allows the audience to connect with very human characters. The character development of Joe (Joel Courtney) and Alice (Elle Fanning) is once again reminiscent of Elliot and Gertie from ET The Extra terrestrial. I won’t spoil this for you. Go see for yourself.

Prometheus will be released when Ridley Scott feels like it.

This, I am excited to report for several reasons. Fox has locked March 09 2012 as the release date for Ridley Scott’s Alien Prequel, “Prometheus”. The Alien franchise (minus Alien resurrection and those horrid AVP films) is one of my favorite science fiction properties.

Early speculation is that the new film(s) will center around the Space Jockey, the mysterious seated figure discovered by the crew of the Nostromo aboard the derelict alien spacecraft in the first ‘Alien’ film. That figure, in addition to the titular creature, was based on the work of H.R. Giger. Although the film will not specifically be centered around the classic “xenomorph” fans should recognize Alien’s DNA in the new project. Continue reading